Some simple and interesting thoughts went through my head this evening, mainly inspired by a much younger friend of mine. BTW this vindicates my stand that there is more to learn from young and smart people than some older folks who we assume are more knowledgeable because of their age. I feel a lot of old folks are jaded and biased towards a lot of things that may be good for younger generations to explore. Anyway it goes like this.
I have always been struggling with issues related to managing my expectations from friends, relatives & coworkers. And these expectations have always lead to disappointment and some degree of cynicism in me. So I decided that I would make a list of all my dependencies both professional and personal on a piece of paper and figure out which one I can move immediately and gradually away from people and more focused on me. For example how much did the success of my weekend depend on others or did lack of company restrict my wish of experiencing new cuisine or did my good mood constantly depend on external gratification. To my shock I realized that there were very few sustaining activities that I could do without involvement of others. And that my need for pursuing hobbies, activities and a better life were putting pressure of expectations on my friendships and colleagues. But this doesn’t mean that I am suggesting we become loner’s and self-centered, it’s just that I have realized that all the important expectations should be fulfilled within oneself and it’s quite a manageable task. And if at all you want to increase dependencies on some people do it in the proportion equal to their dependencies on you and do it gradually. Also don’t spread yourself too thin.
Secondly what I thought was maybe humoring our loved ones too often is a bad thing. Well that may mean that we may be portraying an insensitive nature. But after a point in a relationship or friendship we all reach that level of sensitivity or in sensitivity whatever you may call it. Why not set the baseline from the start itself and take a balanced approach rather than starting really high on sensitivity curve and dropping down later and causing disappointment. Maybe the thought that people want someone who is caring about them 24 X 7 is just a bad assumption. Do we really want someone or need someone like that? If answer is No then stop being that person for someone else, you’re probably pushing that person away even further. I think its just insecurity that makes us want to make the other person more dependent on us. Maybe a friend or lover may feel liberated being with us if they knew there dependencies on us are minimal. At least we know they are sticking with us for the right reasons.
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